Then, I learned, the most important part of this game is to pick a soulmate. "This is logical," I thought, "because everyone knows that the best way to find a soulmate is in an RPG." Especially if you're a 13 year-old in a belly shirt. So, with much remorse, I sought a soulmate. Finally, my dreams came true. A small but cute pixie-looking boy accepted my request to eternal love. "Amazing!" I gasped, "that such passionate love could be found in such an uncharacteristic setting." So, I walked over to my soulmate, prepared to start the adventure of a lifetime. The young face of my character blushed behind her pigtails at the first site of her soulmate. Without so much as a glance, the boy ran in the other direction.

Determined and undaunted, I took on my first quest as an independent woman. I didn't need the special features granted by having a soulmate, such as character sharing and target sharing. I would fight to gain levels and eliminate gender stereotypes. My first quest was to kill a troupe of baby parasols. "Now, here is an unexpected twist," thought I. Killing innocent looking and adorable blue creatures who beg you for help did not seem to fit the storyline. Nonetheless, I drew my blade to vanquish my fluffy, nonthreatening enemies. After returning to the quest-giver, newly equipped, I took on the next quest to rip patches of flesh from wolves with pleading doe eyes.

Now, I viewed the game in a new light and realized that there is, in fact, a little good in everyone. The game did have a few advantages. You can open your personal store at level 10. There is a special screen to compare your gear. There are even marvelous ways to cheat. You can gamble for experience points by buying raffle tickets, and frequent events are held which double your experience and allow you to purchase new items. But, most importantly, it teaches small children the love of violence and the violence in love.

Review A Choiniere
October 9, 2009