How to Get Your Girlfriend, Wife, Boyfriend, or Husband to Play MMORPGs

As we move into the 21st century, the fantasy and science fiction genres have emerged as more than just a cult movement relegated to hordes of horn-rimmed-glasses-wearing denizens of the basement. Video games, television shows, movies, and comics have all evolved from the table-top games of the 70s and 80s into a socially acceptable form of entertainment embraced by hundreds of millions of people around the world.

Games aren’t just for uber geeks anymore. Everyone plays games. Women just as frequently as men. Nearly every household has a console of some kind, be it a PS2/3, an Xbox 360, or a Wii. As the years have passed, PC games have become more and more acceptable as a common form of entertainment, and the MMORPG genre has transformed from a simple phenomenon created by games such as "Meridian," "Ultima Online," and "EverQuest," into a full-blown multi-billion dollar industry. And while more and more people clamber up onto that squeaky-clean bandwagon over there (just ignore the blood-stains from the gnome we sacrificed earlier), there are still a few who resist the call of heroism, much to the detriment of their significant other -- be it a girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband.

At some point or another we’ve all experienced the negative side of gaming that exists when your significant other hasn’t joined you on the dark side. There’s always that underlying tone of frustration that you aren’t spending enough time with him/her, because they just don’t understand the fun that comes from immersing yourself into your chosen MMORPG. They haven’t experienced putting on the skin of another persona, be it man, woman, elf, orc, goblin, dwarf, gnome, halfling, or otherwise. They’ve never felt the rush of adrenaline that comes from downing one of the toughest encounters in the game with a tight-knit group of your closest gaming allies. They’ve never experienced “the ding.”

How do you explain that to someone who doesn’t understand what “the ding” is? The old saying comes to mind: “Actions speak louder than words.” And it makes sense. The best way to explain it is to have them experience it for themselves. After all, it’s like eating sushi off of a naked body for the first time. You will never know whether or not you like it until you actually get out there and try it. (The sushi, that is.)

Being in a relationship with someone means partaking in every aspect of that person’s life. From their Rancor-like gas after a pot of chili, to the flowers (or 6 pack of beer) that are given to you on those special occasions. It means sitting down to watch the football game even though a bunch of sweaty guys groping each other causes you to puke in your mouth, or going shopping for a new pair of shoes even when you don’t see the point of buying another pair when there are already 30+ pairs taking up space in the closet as it is. And given enough time, you may come to enjoy the things you previously frowned upon simply because you are doing it with your significant other. The person who makes you happy in life. The one you chose to share everything with.

However, you can’t expect someone to just jump into something without there being a carrot (or cupcake) on the other end of the stick. Sure, spending time with you doing something is a plus, but how do you really go about tempting your significant other into doing something that they have been so “meh” about for years before, like trying an MMORPG?

Start small. Pick a game you know they will have an interest in. There are hundreds of MMORPGs to pick from these days, catering to all sorts of play-styles and preferences. The beauty of gaming evolution is not only in the amount of choices available today compared to, say, 10 years ago, but there is also the added bonus of the newer additions in terms of mechanics, such as persistent dungeons, richer crafting systems, housing, outfits, and tons of cool customizable options that weren’t available all those years ago. You can literally pop into most games these days, play for even as little as 30 minutes to an hour, and still walk away with a sense of accomplishment, regardless of your chosen play-style.

Offer up a trade. Perhaps there is something you really haven’t gotten into doing that they wish you would participate in. Negotiate. Relationships are a two-way street, and compromise is an important issue. It can never be all about one person or the other, or the relationship is doomed to failure. Share the load. I scratch your back, you scratch mine.

Focus on the features of the games you know they will be interested in. Is your significant other an artsy-craftsy person? Perhaps they will be interested in the crafting aspects of games. Are they an achiever who is never satisfied with “being average”? Perhaps they are a gear-junky who will appreciate a game where the level of achievement is always one new piece of gear, one new zone, one new raid away? Maybe they are a roleplayer who will enjoy total immersion in a character in a world where the only limit is their imagination? Do they like decorating? Maybe they’ll enjoy the housing that comes along with most of the modern-day MMORPGs.

Bribery. This is the lowest form of persuasion, and should only be used as a last-ditch effort. Offering up tickets to a show, game, concert, or otherwise should only be used in the extreme case of you not being able to convince them of it by any other means.

Perhaps the single most important thing to keep in mind when attempting to coerce your significant other into trying an MMORPG for the first time is that MMORPGs aren’t just about logging in and killing bad guys or racing cars or playing sports. They aren’t just games. These things are living, breathing communities full of living, breathing (in most cases, anyway) people who are just like you. People who have jobs, careers, hobbies, pets, kids, goals, ideas, and they are logging into MMORPGs not simply for the entertainment factor alone, but for the social aspects of the game as well. Chatting in Ventrilo or Teamspeak with your gaming friends just as if you were at the bar with them adds a completely new level to the game. It’s no longer just a game, it’s a hobby. Something you are doing with other people, just like a knitting club, a car club, or a bowling league.

Just remember to start slow and don’t be afraid to give before you get. Compromise is key. Once you can get your significant other to try MMORPGs out, you can pretty much be assured they will come around eventually, simply because it’s another way to spend time together, accomplishing goals and having fun.

Posted by T.W. Anderson
July 10, 2009

If you are a game developer or publisher and would like us to write about, review and update your games, then contact our editors. Please email: press@mmolife.org. and send us your latest press releases, game updates, images and videos.